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Welcome To Hell

Uploaded by wmason on Jan 30, 2000

Welcome to Hell. Please let us enslave you. We'll give you a free t-shirt if you fill out this credit card application... You can drive home in this brand new car, with no payments until 2000... It's so much easier to not worry about these details. We'll take care of them for you. All we ask is that you send in your payment every month like a good slave. No, no, don't read books. Libraries are closing more and more everyday anyway because they're obsolete, now superseded by television. That concept we taught you in grade school called "literacy" was just a lie, just like everything else we crammed down your throat. We just want to make life easy for you! We'll even give you pretty pictures and animation to protect you from that mean computer! Just you don't worry about that. We'll manage all the details for you for the low, low price of $99.95. The less you know, the better off we are. Job security. Think we're stupid? We are, but we can bullshit our way onto your desktop, because you're even stupider than we are. The truth is, you never knew you had a choice. You probably wouldn't even know there was such a thing as software, without which the computer can't operate, if it hadn't been for our constant reminders that you can upgrade the crap we sold you for the low, low price of $79.95. But it's worth it because you get a 30% increase in performance. That will actually impress you because we're competing with ourselves here. It's actually not that hard. After a late night and a hang over, we quickly code this crap and hire graphics professionals to candy coat it. Then we break anti-trust laws and cut every corner possible to shove it down your throat. Once we've got you convinced that we're the only people who make software, then we just have to make our code a little bit better, which isn't difficult considering how shitty it was in the first place, and then sell it to you again! The greatest part about this deal is that you'll buy it! We know that and we use it to our advantage, destroying all possible competition by using what we call Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt and we whisper little messages to you that you don't want the competition because it's "not well supported," which is just...

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Uploaded by:   wmason

Date:   01/30/2000

Category:   Creative Writing

Length:   15 pages (3,424 words)

Views:   1579

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