Expendible Teens
Uploaded by dylan58 on Jul 29, 2004
Expendable Teens
For the last twenty years, our prosperous, elite-driven nation has been constantly plagued and hindered by teenagers that seemingly have the ability to commit every violent crime in the book without remorse or fear of consequences. From coast to coast, parents, teachers, and community leaders have been witnessing a continuing surge of teenage criminal activity in schools and city streets. In a wide variety of suburban areas across the nation, teenage perpetrators are proactively getting involved in a deadly collection of violent crimes, some of which include theft, burglary, murder, and even prostitution. As an utterly appalled nation we find ourselves asking the same old question again and again, “What in Jesus H. Christ do we do about this crap?”
Well, ladies and gentlemen, as I was sitting in my favourite pub the other night consuming generous amounts of Bud Ice, I came up with somewhat of a pragmatic solution to the problem at hand: take all of the criminal teens that are doing hard time, and the ones that are about to do some hard time, and ship them off to – Iraq.
Okay guys, I know what you’re probably thinking right about now. “The author has finally flipped his lid and lost it.” Perhaps. But in today’s complex society of ever-growing teen violence and cybertronic ecstasy, I earnestly believe that pragmatic nightmares need pragmatic solutions. By introducing some of the trade-offs of teen criminal tendencies, I will no doubt explain how both nations, Iraq and the US, can benefit from a national deployment of young teens to the war torn regions of former Mesopotamia. By rounding up and mobilizing all of those violent, devious, teenage troublemakers and moulding them into merciless killing machines, both US and Iraqi forces could curb violence in that region by at least 80%, thus bringing increased stability and lowering oil prices. And let’s face it, most of us could use a pretty good break on gas prices nowadays.
Of course, I should do a little more explaining as to how this mobilization and deployment plan would further benefit the American public.
First, lets start off with a few facts regarding teenage criminal activity. At least 96% of all violent and deviant crime committed in large cities at the teen level takes place in the lower classes, plain and simple....